Silent Saboteur – The Hidden Elements of Negativity
So, you’re out there setting positive goals for yourself. You are putting out good thoughts towards achieving them, practicing self-care and speaking positively, but you’re not yielding a return on your positive investment. Now you find yourself sliding down the frustration pole and heading straight towards the cynical stage. Well, not so fast! Let’s have a look at the undercover work of negativity to see if perhaps it still has a silent, yet powerful, role in your positive endeavors.
I want to be very clear here about the true definition of positive thinking, acting and being. Positive is not the denial of negative circumstances, avoidance of addressing growth curves accurately, nor is it giving you, or others, BS compliments. Positive means the general energy behind your words and actions. If that energy is not positive, the power behind the intention of your actions and words are diminished. IF you want to make a big impact in your own life, be it an external goal or changing something about yourself, you have to have the right energy behind your words and actions. If you do not, you’re undercutting yourself and sabotaging your own intentions.
So, here is the hunt for subtle negativity questionnaire:
Please note, these are deep dive questions. They are not easy, and the truth may sting a bit. BUT, if you want to feel better, you will answer from a place of brutal honesty. Because the only way to align yourself with the energy needed to change, is to get real. Otherwise, this type of negative thinking and behaving will continue to water down and sabotage your efforts.
1. What are your true feelings when you are witnessing those around you happy, having fun, succeeding, and/or prospering?
Now most of you will say, I love to see my friends and family happy and succeeding. For the most part that may be true…but let’s keep digging to see if it’s REALLY true.
2. Do you think and speak, sarcastically about people’s character, personality, looks and/or accomplishments behind their back? Or do you find a way to diminish or knock them down behind their back around others?
3. When no one is around, do you swim in jealous and negative thoughts about others who are thriving?
4. Do you secretly get angry when you hear others praise a friend, family member, colleague or peer’s accomplishments, achievements or character?
These questions are big ones. They are dredging the muck at the bottom of our Ego Sewer. The place where we hide our feelings of not being good enough. Our Ego Sewer is the secret place where we cover our up our true, ugly and negative feelings by knocking other people down. We then surround ourselves with a little camp of people swimming in their own muck to help us stay satisfied with our position and justified in our sentiments.
The key thing to understand is that our mind fixates on others to keep us insulated from tending to the uncomfortable and painful places in ourselves. We make others the villain, the obstacle, the problem in order to distance ourselves from feeling inferior and inadequate. But it doesn’t work. Indulging in the muck only adds to the negative feelings and thickens the mucky waters. You are only making it even harder to change and feel better.
So, now is the time to address this stuff head on. You CAN DO THIS! Shying away from the hard work of healing your self-esteem issues is not in your best interest. This will continue to secretly rob you of achieving your highest goals and potential and most importantly, of feeling really good about yourself without having to do or be anything. In other words, unconditionally accepting yourself. Male or female, we ALL need to feel good about ourselves for health and balance.
Let your next goal be to feel comfortable and confident in your own skin without the defensive armor of secret negativity. Because the only thing we are doing with this type of thinking and behaving is protecting our ego. Jealousy and denial are defense mechanisms and swimming there for long periods of time, is corrosive to our well-being.
So now is the time! Find a trusted counselor, therapist or coach, put your HAZMAT suit on and go in and purify your waters. Thriving doesn’t fall into our laps, it takes work and that work is important. Celebrities, corporate moguls, models, billionaires: we all have our secret saboteurs. Insecurities are inherent in all of us. When you hide them from yourself, you are silently sabotaging all your good intentions and weakening the potency of your success and achievements. So, dive in and get clean. You deserve to feel good about being you!